Horses Archives - A Country Girl's Heart -Beats that Matter

September 3, 2019September 3, 2019

Homestead Diary ~ Week 5

0 Shares

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

I heard my husband rush back to the bedroom door. He beckoned me, “Come quick!” I reluctantly followed him to the kitchen. Immediately horrified by the sight that greeted me. A cat managed to wedge her head between to slats of a kitchen chair and appeared to be hanging there. ‘Dead’, I thought. My husband reassured me it wasn’t, “dead yet.” I sprang into action and with his help I freed it. I wrap in my blanket and held it close. Returning to bed I laid it on my chest and fell asleep. That poor cat barely moved for 3 hours. Giving it options to exercise its bodily functions, by often carrying it to the proper locations all systems were a go. In that, I was happy and when I left for market early evening, Suzi-Q did not need my supervision. Within 36 to 48 hours she appeared to be feeling good.

Culver Market, as it often is situated next to Lake Max, was refreshing. I enjoy the people and the cool breezes coming off of the lake. This was the last of the Tuesday markets for Culver this year. I am feeling a bit of relief. Attending 3 markets this year proved to be a struggle for me. There are many other areas in my life I long to work on and grow. I am ready to focus in a different direction for the coming season. I have Wed markets in Bremen and Saturdays in Culver that continue through the month of September.

Wednesday, August, 28, 2019

A new food vendor at Bremen, as Chubby Buddies would not be there this week, had me excited to try a tenderloin sandwich. It did not disappoint!

The beginning of this beautiful day I gave thought to the best way to move chickens around this fall, what breeding pens I want to keep going, new crosses, and how to best utilize the available space and pens. I really do not want over 15 or 16 pens through the winter. However, I may have to due to my current breeding goals. The thinking continues for the next few weeks, I know. I moved a few of the younger pens outside into cages for the day. This gives me a chance to look them over, handle them, feel their weight, and decide the best places to move them forward. Some will be for sale and other will stay for future breeding pens (or go into existing ones). The air was on the cool side, but the sun warm. As I watered the different pens, I cleaned their waterers with Apple Cider Vinegar.

The end of May as the watermelon plants were beginning to grow larger, I decided to experiment with the idea of allowing them to climb, instead of grow along the ground. That did not turn out so well. As the watermelon grew heavier, the weight of them caused them to fall off the vine. One such watermelon had been sitting on the ground for over month. I though perhaps it would ripen on its own. I decided this day to cut it open to see. It had in fact, ripened unknown to me and become overripe. I cut it into sections to feed to the chickens, to their delight. But before, I removed quite a few seeds to save for future years. As for experimenting with using a trellis for the watermelon plants, I have decided to allow them to grow on the ground in the future. Most of the watermelon vines I left to grow on the ground so I will be enjoying watermelon this season.

I had an idea to use the dried garlic stalks like mini corn stalks, but they seemed to blah. I decided to put them around a glass vase with fall flowers in it. It gives my market table a homestead look, I have been told.

Oh, the wind at the market kept knocking over everything. I decided on a new table arrangement that allowed me to tie my vase to a crate. Even then the changing direction of the wind had it falling over. The heirloom tomatoes seem to be a hit and the garlic too. I plan to continue raising them next year.

For a reason unknown to me, I struggled to keep my sugar from dropping much of the evening. I get these days/ hours sometimes. I had to rest before feeding the animals. That too is ok. I felt good by the time I went to sleep. I guess like everything…this too shall pass.

Thursday, August 29, 2019

Previously I had planned to go Sheila’s house. I looked forward to our visit. I spent countless hours with her and my Mom a few years ago when we worked on our Christmas CD, Once in a Manger. I am lucky now if I see her a couple times a year and often only if we plan it. The visit proved to encourage me beyond what I could have imagined. We chatted catching up and eventually wondered outside. She shared some of her delicious red raspberries with me as we talked gardens and life. I offered to help her move her fruit plants to her soon to be new home and perhaps I could have a few starts for myself? We agreed on that plan. Hopefully, that will happen one day in September. Yay! Here is the thing. I would happily help her move her fruit starts even if I was not getting anything in return and she would share starts with me even if I was not helping her, but why not help each other and we both win? The phrase ‘homestead lifestyle’ is what comes to my mind. At my request, we explored a couple of the old barns that were on the property. I found this:

I say it is a Maria powered tiller. I am not sure if it is old or not, but certainly not common in my circles. I feel super excited to have it.

I also needed to pick up chicken feed so I made that stop on my way home. I forgot to remove the market items from my car so I could only grab a couple bags.

Friday, August 30, 2019

For only the second time this week I made a schedule for my day. I like this practice, and it does not always go the way I think it should. Tasks that I think should take an hour take 2. At times I do not focus as well as I should or there are simply more steps involved than I realize.

I worked online most of the morning. Rosie was a spit fire when I let her out to eat grass. She was trotting around and once she shouldered into me. She doesn’t usually act that disrespectful. I had a thought in the back of my head, ‘Was she trying to tell me something? What did she want?’ I dismissed the thought and she wondered off to eat grass. In hind sight…. read on.

I had the idea to do an IG live showing me putting the new tiller to use in a chicken pen. That is where I am going to use it eventually. I will be moving the pens. The chickens have killed off the sod and I will work the ground before planting in it. Found out I will need to loosen the dirt with a spade or shovel to get the best use out of it. Anyway, I finally got around to that Friday evening. I am thankful to this tool. As a kid I used a 3-prong hand pushed cultivator in a garden we had at home. I was in elementary school. I do not remember how old I was.

Before trying out the (Maria powered) tiller, I had walked out to observe the horses. I did not see Rosie out eating with Dusty and Cider. I had this sinking feeling and a picture of a horse laying out dead. I told myself to stop being negative. I needed to stay on task with going live on IG. So, I did. When I was done, it came to me again to go look for Rosie. Sometime she hangs out in the shelter so realistically not seeing her was normal. Oh, but when I stepped around the shelter, I thought I was looking at a horse dying. I have seen animals dying before. She was obviously under stress and hurting. I hurried over to grab her halter, and when I put it on, I checked her gums. They were gray. I pulled her legs out in front of her one at a time. Stepping beside her I began to swat her on the rump encouraging her to get up. She did, but she was shaky on her legs. I slowly led her out of the shelter. I left her there and headed to the house for banamine. She was hurting, sweaty, dirty from rolling, and painful. I placed a call and left a message for a veterinarian. I was worried about how bad she looked. It probably did not help I had those thoughts earlier about her laying dead. It was a long night with little sleep.

Here I am, over my normal word count and I have so much more to say.

Saturday, August 31, 2019

Most of my day Saturday revolved around caring for Rosie. In the afternoon, she was seen by a veterinarian. In short, Rosie had an impaction toward the rear of her bowel that was removed. Her intestinal tract was inflamed and irritated. My immediate question was, ‘If that is what can be seen, what does the rest of her intestines look like?’ Going forward from this colic episode, Rosie had additional struggles that would need to be addressed. She has been struggling with her weight the last couple years. Perhaps this the first step in finding answers. I am thankful to Dr. Gary Fouts for evaluating and treating her on a holiday weekend.

There are more details to share then this post had room for. I may need to devote a post to Rosie and her current struggles. My niece, upon learning that Rosie had problems said, ‘I want to see Rosie.’ Her and Rosie go back at least 8 years of my ten year old nieces life. That is a life time to a child. Often when speaking with her on the phone, after asking after my well being, she says, ‘How is Rosie?’

0 Shares

June 15, 2019June 15, 2019

Horses of CG Heartbeats Farm

0 Shares

Five horses live on CG Heartbeats Farm. In the past I continued to challenge myself with horses I found tougher to connect with, lead and train. Now I don’t mean the actual act of leading a horse with a rope, but rather the act of leadership in the process of teaching a horse to respond in a safe, trusting manner. After my traumatic brain injury in 2011, I found a had a strong desire to branch out my activities and knowledge to include other topics besides horses. Somewhere along the way I began to wonder who did God create me to be? Who was I beyond who I was as an equestrian? The idea of having horses was my sister’s idea when she was 6 and I was 7. I loved my sister that was 13 months younger. I wanted to help her in her desire to have a horse or pony. I jumped on board. Now here I was over 30 years later, realizing for the first time this passion of horses did not originate with me. I had to wonder who I would have become if I had found my own direction, what would I have developed into if I had not been concerned with those closest to me as a child. I do not recall exploring what I liked in any depth. Most of my thoughts concentrated on those around me. Well enough of all that, for now. These ponderings led me to begin looking around.

Horses still put a smile on my face even if all I do is feed and care for them right now. I am not in any way, shape or form ready to no longer own horses. Thus I have found one way for now they can contribute to my homesteading journey. Meet the horses of CH Heartbeats Farm.

Roses Casino

Out of an appendix Quarter Horse mare named Mismatched and a Quarter Horse stallion with Sugar Bar breeding. I purchased Mismatched pregnant, so I have owned ‘Rosie’ her entire life. I spent many hours riding her first training her to be ridden, trail riding, training and conditioning her to run barrels, of course, competing on her at more shows and rodeos than I can remember, team roping practices and simple rides down the road. I would have to stop and count, if I can even remember, the number of little girls we have provided rides for. The longest was one of my nieces when she was only 3 years old, we rode 3 and a half miles before she was tired.

One of my nieces riding with me several years ago.

Brave Diamond Dust

‘Dusty’ is the only horse I bred myself, meaning I picked out the stallion to cross with her dam, Melanie Lynn. This mare is another I have raised from a foal. The story about her that stands out to me the most was the injury she sustained as a 4 or 5-year old. A puncture wound that required surgery to flush out the hock joint to give her a high quality of life. It was a long 4 plus months of rehabilitation. She has a cute, knows what she likes, personality.

Dry Doc Drifter

Drifter before I started riding him with a bit.

‘Drifter’, who was purchased as a 2-year-old was foaled in South Dakota. He was the horse I was riding when I came off and sustained a TBI. He has wonderful stamina and I have yet to truly tire him. He has the breeding to do a job all day long. When he doesn’t have a job to do, he seems to spend his energy behaving badly.

Zips Country Bar Maid

‘Cider’ was bred by one of my sisters and I purchased her as a yearling. She is an intelligent horse who learns quickly, but I have not spent much time riding her. She needs more training, only because I have not made time for her.

Navajo Bo

One of many photos taken the summer we prepared for the 2015 TCA Thoroughbred Makeover.

‘Bo’ was bred to be a racehorse and fulfilled her job at Indiana Grand. A timid mare, on the track, she would back off trying to win if she was bumped. She has a personality all her own. Expressing her displeasure, when not happy with her circumstances, she has proven her willingness to learn. She looks for a leader, but likes to challenge the leader. She is a bit nosey always wanting to know where all the other horses are at and unhappy when they are out of site. My favorite story with Bo is the year we competed or rather participated in the Thoroughbred Makeover at the Kentucky Horse Park. I was not riding at my best level that year, but I enjoyed the entire process. The experience of showing at the Kentucky Horse Park proved to be my favorite venue to complete at. I was sponsored by an amazing grooming product Espana Silk and others helped to make my trip to Kentucky possible. As a part of the competition I was given a blog to share my journey. I wrote 140 posts and, in the process, realized that I liked to write. As a result, the desire to blog about my homesteading journey was beginning to form.

How Horses Contribute to the Homestead

Horses collectively contribute to the soil I use for container gardens. The manure they have produced several years ago now provides a rich fluffy (from the shavings) place that I dig up dirt any time I need to plant in any containers. Basically, this is where I dumped manure, located under trees. I have 2 other piles composting now for future use. These newer piles have more chicken manure compared to the first so time will tell which produces the best.

This is another example of how I have been able to use what I have. I wonder how much money I have saved using my own composted soil instead of buying bags of potting soil? Like everything else one produces themselves, this is the way to know what is in what you are using, or eating. How are you using what you have on your homestead?

0 Shares

May 26, 2019July 9, 2019

Roots and Wings: Beats that Matter

0 Shares

Often, I share what is happening on the farm, how I move forward in my homesteading journey or enjoy other parts of the country I have visited. In this post I get a bit more personal sharing about my unseen journey, of the heart….Beats that Matter.

I have always had an interest in animal husbandry and the biology of how a body functions both human and animal. There has long been a special place in my heart for the appearance of new life. The wonder of it all, the few moments that life hangs in the balance before arriving, the nurture of a new mom and the trust of a new born have repeatedly touched my heart in a special way. My first experiences go back to my childhood, observing, learning, and assisting with the birth of baby goats. In high school as a part of the farm lab in an Ag and Natural Resource class, I assisted a sow(pig). My journey with horses was only beginning and it has continued to this day.

I have consciously made the decision to step away from horses while pursuing different areas of my life. Music, the beginning of my homesteading journey, raising chickens, producing vegetables and fruit, and attending farmer’s markets along with this website have taken hours of my time, energy, and money. Yet, in the last 3 weeks, caring for equines, felines, and supporting those practicing veterinary medicine seemed to take up a much of my emotional and physical resources. Now, for certain, I do not regret any of it, but rather I have enjoyed the moments as they came. Anytime I have been involved in caring for animals both good and bad, tears and joy abound. These last few weeks have been no different. I have learned new information and put to use my previously acquired knowledge. One such way was in the joint effort of mare watch and foaling. I made an exception to my decision to step away from such activity while focusing on growing new ventures. Largely because, this was to help another human with her animal when she was not in a position physically to do so herself. You see, I have had to rely on others to help me with my animals when I did not feel good. Another time, I found myself alone, no help, with serious health struggles with a horse that needed around the clock care. I jumped at the chance to support another. I am not sure how many times I teared up, happy to be a part of helping. I felt the old adage, ‘It is better to give then to receive’. I will say no more, but rather share this 12-minute video of my wonderous moments.

These past two weeks allowed me to add to the portrait of who I am created to be. This journey called life unfolds much like the stroke of a painter’s brush bringing details of a picture into being as the Lord shows me who He created me to be. For that I am deeply thankful and growing confident in His leading while I grow roots in unseen soil. As the roots develop I am learning it is not about what field I work in, but rather, no matter where I am, I find much joy in encouraging others. Heartbeats that make a difference to those you are around. What are you doing while your heart beats?

0 Shares

May 28, 2018June 1, 2018

Pryor Mountain Horse Range ~ Part 2

0 Shares

In 2015 I found myself living out a dream that had only birthed the previous week as I traveled along the edge of McCullough Peaks. Realizing I was close to where there were wild horse herds, I recalled parts of the PBS Series on Cloud, a mustang stallion. His young life had been documented with pictures and videos and the series continued as he aged. ‘How cool would it be to hang out with a herd of wild mustangs’, I thought to myself. My life felt disrupted in many ways and the thought filled me with a peaceful feeling. The first part of my desire can been seen and read here. What follows is the second part:

I did not think I could top the exhilaration of standing my ground in the path of a wild mustang stallion. I did in a way that I could not fully appreciate in the present moment. While at some level I understood the uniqueness of the that space in time, I feel the specialness more now.

A few more pictures of me on this special trip taken by Denise. They had plans for the evening and we had a 2 – 3-hour return drive. I did not mind our time on the mountain was considerably shorter than the time spent driving. The experience made it worth every bumpy mile!

A short distance back to the first watering hole we noticed more vehicles parked along the way. Certain this indicated more horses at this location we stopped.
This was what we found.

Cloud, the wild stallion, made famous by the PBS 3-part mini-series hanging out with another bachelor stallion. These videos share part of the story of his life from the time he was foaled.

Cloud had recently (in the last year) lost his band of mares.

He was around 20 years old here when these pictures were taken in July of 2015.

As I knew my companions were needing to continue home, I satisfied my heart knowing that I had seen and photographed Cloud. This trip gave me considerably more than I had expected. I ran up the hill from the watering hole. Surprised at how easily I accomplished that feat even in the high altitude, I simply felt an exhilaration and peace for my time spent ‘hanging’ with the wild mustangs. This seemed to trump the physical struggles I had been having. The mind is a powerful tool!

The last anyone seen of him was in the fall of 2015. I might find myself tearing up a little when I realize I seen him in later part of his life. Yes! A special moment realized at a deeper level after the fact.

I would love to explore that mountain top and other parts of the Pryor Mountain Mustang range. Perhaps one day I will camp up there. I think I would enjoy that!!!

Here a few websites to learn more about Pryor wild mustangs and other mustang herds in the United States. The mustangs on the Pryor range are closely monitored by volunteers who name and document the bands, stallions, mares and foals. They keep track when a one stallion steals another’s mare(s). I find this fascinating? Do you?

http://www.pryormustangs.org/

https://www.thecloudfoundation.org/

Facebook page for Pryor Mountain Mustang Center

Facebook page for the Cloud Foundation

Denise and her husband kindly transported and shared this adventure. Denise takes beautiful pictures and owns a better camera. Generously, She allowed me to use photos of me shot the day we experienced this story. Credit for her photos are noted under applicable pictures. Every year she offers calendars for sale featuring Wyoming wildlife. To order your own beautiful calendar, email her at:

dconnelly1970@gmail.com

0 Shares

April 10, 2018February 9, 2022

Roots and Wings: New Life ~ Horses

0 Shares

Continuing the story concerning my passion for new life, this post shares briefly on the journey as it relates to horses. I say briefly because the experiences and stories might make up a small book. I am limiting my sharing to this blog post with no comment on the possibility of future stories. If you have not seen the first or second you may click on the underlined words to view.

Our pony, Glady, foaled when I was thirteen. This is where my love of new life birthed in a new species, horses. I remember sleeping in the barn a few nights to hopefully catch her foaling. I slept with blankets on bales of hay, NOT comfortable, but at 13 years old, it was an adventure. I must be getting soft, because my idea of adventure has shifted slightly. I can not say with certainty I would not sleep in a cold barn to watch a mare foal, cause likely I would. I simply much prefer a camera to view, a warm room and softer sleeping arrangements these days.

Life became busy in my teenage years and it was after my high school graduation that I was again blessed with a foal, re-kindling a flame.

The arrival of Roses Casino, out of a mare named Mismatched, created a story its own. While her arrival has a story to it, her impact on my life is currently an on going story.

Alas, it would be 5 more years until I foaled another mare of my own when Brave the Cold gave me Brave Diamond Dust. This time I had the privilege of studying the Book Blessed are the Broodmares by M. Phyllis Lose . I learned a lot. However, I had no experience knowing the difference between a tired pregnant mare resting at night and a mare actually foaling. I faithfully checked her during the night for close to 6 weeks. My excitement and anticipation for this foal, driving me to wonder about the meaning of her every move. One night I was certain something might be going on and called the only person I knew to ask, my farrier. Our families were friends and often his wife would invite us over for supper. But, I think he found me a bit overzealous to be bothering him in the middle of the night. Lesson learned! I smile at the memory! My consistency paid off and I was rewarded with being present for her foaling, a filly I called Dusty. This was the beginning of developing my eye for foaling and only added more to my passion for new life. To be honest, I have been fooled since thinking a mare was foaling when she wasn’t. However, it takes a bit more to fool me now. I would rather check on a mare and be wrong, than miss a foaling.

I was given the opportunity to spend time on a farm that foaled a few mares each year. Here I would trapes out in a 10 acre pasture to find the mares and look them over. I once found a foal stuck in the mud and pulled it out to return it to its mother. I was only gone for the evening and knew she was close. I checked her and found the foal. I guess by then I was getting a bit better at knowing what was a true sign and what was my anticipative thoughts. That said, I remember years later a mare I looked at that had NO bag, No softness under her tail, the slightest bit of change under her tail perhaps, but not presenting a picture of a mare ready to foal. Everyone was surprised she foaled that night. Now in this case, she did not even get her milk in for over 24 hrs after the foal was born. If I recall correctly, it was drug (hormone) induced.

Oh, do you see what I mean? I could share for days the stories I remember! I moved from this place with a bit more knowledge and a growing love for foaling out mares.

I spent the next 5 to 10 years focused on barrel racing and a bit of team roping. During this time I had only occasional reason to be involved in foaling out mares. One time, my mare who pregnant with twins lost them about 7 months. Another involved a friends 4 yr old Arabian mare who lost the foal due to a red bag. Several of us pulled for over an hour to remove the dead foal. The education I gained that day saved another foals life years later.

When I learned a veterinarian I had recently ask to work on my horses was involved in opening a foaling barn, I could not resist asking about the progress every single time I spoke with him. You see I had given thought to taking a job on a ranch in Wyoming to be in charge of foaling operations. I decided against it. Now a foaling barn would soon be in operation, locally. Offered a job there cleaning stalls, I took it. Employed there for 5 years, I gradually was given responsibility for overseeing the foaling mares. I loved watching the mares shape up to foal. Each one was different and I learned to expect the unexpected. Oh wait! In some ways I was that way from the beginning, perhaps the years of seeing goats do unpredictable things when kidding. They are different in some ways goats and horses. But then again new life is new life when it comes to the beauty of it and unpredicateble timing of arrival.

I probably do not even consciously remember all the mares I seen foal at the foaling barn. I often operated on 3 to 4 hours of sleep for months during the foaling season. There are some memories that stand out where I learned a new lesson or encountered a special moment. I could write a small book on those experiences alone. I grew my knowledge base of foaling out mares. The opportunity to see a wide range of breeds and sometimes special cases like a mare that was partially paralyzed allowed me to learn in a way no book can.

It has been almost 5 years since I ended my employment at the foaling barn. This was where my focus started to shift in a different direction. But last year I was ask to help foal out mares at another local barn and sure enough, my passion for foaling mares has not left me.

A part of shifting my focus involved starting to live a homestead life style on almost 12 acres. My love of new life has manifested itself in the form of hatching chicks. Stay tuned for New Life- Chickens.

0 Shares

October 2, 2017October 2, 2017

Unpleasant Tasks

Pin1

1 Shares

Looking around on the farm, after returning from my trip out west, numerous tasks had been put off far too long. First, I needed to recover from a nasty bug and now I find my energy level is slow in returning. Last week, I felt as if I began to start chipping away at the list glaring in my face. I am thankful for the days that I need to refrain from physical activity to rest my body physically. It gives me time to work on the backside of this web site and time to write. It does not quench the burning desire to get stuff done.

One of these tasks were most unpleasant for me. I have said before I do not enjoy killing animals. This had not changed, but I have been seeing an opossum sauntering off when walking into the chicken barn after dark. Up until last week it was always out of sight by the time I returned with the gun. Note: This species is known to carry disease(s) that spreads to not only to chickens but horses as well. My horse hay is stored in my chicken barn at the moment. Yuk! ‘Possums in my barn is simply not ok with me. Trapping them did not seem to be a great option either for I would likely catch one of my many cats or kittens before a ‘possum.

Arriving back to the barn, gun in hand, I managed one shot, but not fatal. Due to the amount of items stored in that barn I needed to move boxes to get another. I felt completely inadequate, wanting to simply give up on this. Of course, I was not ok with leaving a wounded animal to suffer and some of my cats were becoming rather curious. All did not end well, in my mind, if I did not complete that which I had started. I found a dog kennel and positioned it, hoping the ‘possum would enter it. While it seemed like a hopeful idea, it did not work. I took a deep breath and prayed, “Lord how do I do this?” He said, “Go for the heart.” It worked! I was thankful for the leadership and thanked Him out loud when I seen it was a female. I knew how much harder this would had been for me had I found babies or needed to deal with babies in the barn.

Imagine my surprise when two nights later I entered the barn to see another ‘possum walking around. I was feeling stronger over all and good thing. Before I went to bed that night I had removed the presence of two male ‘possums. I also seen one sneaking off into the nearby wooded area. “You better stay out of my barn” was my silent message.

While that was all unpleasant enough, I had several bodies to depose of. Truth: I did not feel strong enough to bury them. I had lost some growing chickens as well. My preferred method: burning for disposal, but I was going to need some wood to fuel the fire. Also, the area around the barn was in need of TLC to create a cleaner look and discourage animals from lurking right outside the barn. A few hours on the riding lawn mower, a wheel barrow to haul sticks and previously cut fallen limbs provided me with wood for the fire. While I need to mow the area again in the next week, the appearance has improved dramatically. Certainly the lack of cover leading to the barn, while it will not stop an animal from entering it, will create a more vunerable environment to get there. One other simple discouragement has been to only allow access to the cat food during the day.

I believed the Lord had laid it on my heart to repair the shelter next. My spouse proved a great help to make some needed improvements. At some point, Bo and Rosie had found a way to remove several boards on the south side. How horses do what they do? I have yet to figure out. Sometimes they leave me shaking my head. Thankful this did not result in injury.

I worked moving the manure and dirt from the area and he worked on the boards themselves. We patched it all back together so now there is once again a south wall on the shelter.

This project is going to need more attention in the near future but Saturday we were able to provide a safe shelter for these mares. Looking around and seeing minor improvements motivates me to tackle the next chore.

Homesteading and farming on any scale is not for the weak of heart. I may struggle physically right now, but my spirit has not lost its spunk. I needed to wade through my grief to find it. I am thankful to Lord for leading me. I have no idea how many times I have repeated Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.

Pin1

1 Shares

September 15, 2017September 16, 2017

When a Chapter Ends

Pin1

1 Shares

I do not like failing, loosing a battle, giving up or quitting. I like to set high expectations for myself and those around me. I do fail, loose battles, give up and yes as hard as it is to write theses words, I do quit sometimes. Honestly, whenever I do, I hate on myself. I work hard to regain my self esteem after knowingly committing any of the above actions. I can reason through the act itself, knowing why I do not further pursue an action or goal, but not giving my all does not sit well with my heart.

I recently experienced the loss of a horse that I possibly could have prevented. I will always wonder. As I write these words I cringe inwardly, wondering. Did I do the best by him? Am I at fault for the loss of his life? I want to cry typing this. Nobody has said it was my fault and yet I wonder if I could have done more or made different choices. The Lord clearly reminded me on multiple occasions that I am more than just how I care for my animals. I strongly believe that caring for ones animals is an important and worthwhile task. However, my sole identity needs to lie in who the Lord says I am and I am still learning about who He says I am.

I have said I would share both the heartache and joys of my homestead adventures. Last week was a struggle when dealing with an ailing horse while fighting a short term illness along with 3 chronic diagnoses I battle daily. I felt alone. I prayed for the Lord to save him. He didn’t. My faith knows He sees a bigger picture than I do. I am watching to see what is next since He closed the door on the life of my dear McCoy. For the record, I also almost immediately reached out for help from an equine veterinarian.

This horse I called McCoy was registered as Jaywalker Frost and for good reason. As a foal he often found his way into other pens, pastures and generally anywhere he was NOT supposed to be. This trend continued until the last day of his life at 10 years old. He was the horse who thought through his next move. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again described him accurately. At times one could see him thinking.

He loved adventure, going somewhere new. He was often brave, more so before he was gelded at 5 and 1/2 years. McCoy found pleasure in going swimming and bossing other horses around. He wasn’t mean, but he had a way of persistently keeping after what he wanted. I have always had a soft spot for the uniqueness of people, horses, trucks, dogs, chickens, ect. I am attracted to the ones who stand out because they are different. Don’t expect me to be like everyone else either. That was what I loved most about McCoy, his uniqueness. That is also why it hurts so much to loose him cause in believing he is special I know I will never find another quite like him.

I come back to my belief that when one door closes another will open in the Lords perfect timing.

Note: The pictures I am sharing in this post are a memorial to McCoy sharing some of why I found him beautiful. The earlier stages of his training can be viewed on his FB page. I have a vision of new growth rising out of ashes, flowers to be exact. I am not clear on which flowers, but beautiful color rising out of ashes.

Have you lost a beloved horse? Or other animal? Feel free to leave a comment sharing your heartache or reach out with an email.

Pin1

1 Shares