Extraordinary Influence speaks to a belief I have carried since childhood concerning the importance of leaders using affirmation instead of constructive criticism while still addressing the need for changes and improvements. To be honest, seeing the need did not automatically give me the skills to conduct myself in such a manner. This book provides the info to learn those skills. It also addresses the fact that not every individual possesses a healthy enough core to thrive and grow in an affirming environment.
I like the way Dr. Tim Irwin broke down the ways to affirm and speak words of life to those around us. While most info is directed for corporate setting, the ideas and principles apply to coaches, teachers, parents and anyone who is in a position of leadership. The some of the examples he shared left me saying, “I want to work for a company like that “and “who doesn’t want to work for that kind of company”. One doesn’t have to look far in my home town and state to hear of the difficulty of companies to keep employees. Of course not every job is for everyone. Dr. Irwin address the need to move a person on if they are not a good fit for a job, but to do it in a way that allows for growth of the individual.
He addresses that a job is not rehab and agrees tough decisions need to be made for the overall good of production, and the work place atmosphere. This book does not advocate everything is always easy and good, affirm all. How the need to let an employee move on is handled depends on the individual’s ability and strength of their core.
On a personal note here are a few of my thoughts I jotted down after reading on this particular subject. The subject matter led me to evaluate myself on the topic of why disruptive employees are not removed.
I feel fear in the confrontation of a problem person. I feel a big dose of pity for whomever or whatever when I think about giving up on someone or something. It feels like failure. Perhaps I am taking on a responsibility that isn’t mine. Each one of us are responsible for our own behavior. Perhaps in letting someone go, it may even provide the motivation and/or realization they need to change. ~ M. Graber
I like a book that promotes a deeper, new line of personal thought. Extraordinary Influence did this for me on more than one occasion. I was, what we would today call, bullied in elementary school. When reading the part of Extraordinary Influence on parenting, I traveled back in my childhood memories and felt all the emotions of that time. I recall some of the girls chasing me down and digging me with their nails. The only memory I have of why they might not have liked me was the time I informed them they were doing something out of line and what was going to happen to them if they continued. Their dislike of me continued for a few years and then I switched schools. I can still feel the feeling of shame, hurt, and desire to hide, to be small. I became like a turtle, pulled my head back in my shell and only shared my truest of feelings and thoughts when and with who I felt the safest. Needless to say, even some who I thought I felt safe with over the years continued to result in experiencing those same feelings again and again. I have continued to live small in many ways. I find I have a desire to challenge myself and shift my perspective on these types of encounters.
This book challenged me in several ways. I can not lead with affirmation if my core struggles so when thinking of how to put some of this material to use, I was required to look deeper into my self. A couple are listed above and go beyond the subject matter. I mentioned at the beginning of this post that while I seen a need for affirming leaders, I often found myself at a loss, wondering how to motivate others in a positive, affirming way. It is way too easy to revert to the examples we have seen around us and how others have spoken to us. Dr Irwin shares specific areas to look at for ways to affirm others. This book is filled with real life examples, asks thought-provoking questions, provides guided steps to make affirmation a practice and is backed by scientific brain research.
I can not lead with affirmation if my core is compromised. When thinking of how to put some of this material to use, I was challenged to look deeper into my self.
One chapter speaks into the importance and the how to of leaders investing into the lives of those with leadership potential, while another talks on leading teams.
Given the importance and live changing info of this book I am going to have to say it is becoming one of my favorites!
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